Father Hunger
Present Absence
Children want and need an emotional connection with their fathers, but many kids today have emotionally unavailable fathers. Living with an emotionally absent father can negatively affect a child's (intellectual, emotional, physical, social, and spiritual) wellness.
Identity and self-respect begin in childhood with a father's attentiveness. How he communicates and shares his feelings about his child becomes the child's inner voice. Neglectful fathers cause children to feel unloved and unseen, and these children will develop self-destructive habits to connect with someone (or something) that will satisfy their need for significance and belonging.
An emotionally disconnected dad leaves a child confused, overlooked, and feeling unworthy. Children neglected by their fathers often wear masks to cover their shame for not living up to daddy's expectations.
Fathers should show their children the sacrificial love and acceptance Jesus gives us. Jesus moved toward children, not away (Luke 18:16), and knows us intimately enough to count the hairs on our heads. (Matthew 10:30) That's the committed, tender, loving care God provides.
Shame Stains
Shame is a spiritual cancer that leads to compulsive behaviors seeking love and acceptance through other means. People sometimes confuse shame with guilt. Guilt is about what a person has done, whereas shame is about who a person is. Guilt says: I did something bad, or I made a mistake. Shame says: There is something wrong with me. I'm a mistake, or I'm bad.
Resolving shame starts and ends with the cross. Jesus took our shame to pay the price for all of us. We are new creatures, transformed from shame to grace. (2 Corinthians 5:17) God's grace silences all shame-based messages. His answer is to avoid covering our shame by modifying our external behavior. Instead, God calls us to develop inner character to see our identity in Christ.
God forgives sins, and the cross is the center of the universe. Without the cross, no one survives sin. Fathers, teach your children how God's love saves all of us and that Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life they need. (John 14:6)
Children and Parents
Mothers can hurt children from emotional detachment, and children need nurturing mothers as much as fathers. While fathers have a unique role in marriage to lead, protect, and provide for a wife, parental teamwork is essential in teaching and giving commandments to their children. (Proverbs 1:8)
Paul says, "Children, obey your parents" (not just your father) and "Fathers, bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord." (Ephesians 6:1-4) The Bible tells us this is a "both/and" parenting approach.
If you're a single mom or dad, take heart. God often uses imperfect situations to help children grow in God-honoring spiritual maturity. God carries his children when weak, encourages them when they do good, and allows them to share his joy.
Our Help
No parent is perfect. We all make mistakes, but the Lord helps us. Turning from one thing to another is the mark of obedience, and it begins with repentance. Distance or speed won't get us to the goal; it's the direction. Don't live in regret, guilt, or shame in what you could have done differently. Start living in God's holy truth today because He alone will make everything new. (Revelation 21:5)
Luther believed that repentance and faith, not deeds, would lead to salvation. He called for believers to live an entire life of repentance. Repentance is an ongoing change process that involves continuously turning toward God and away from the other voices and our unholy desires. Eugene Peterson wrote about this spiritual truth in his book A Long Obedience in the Same Direction.
God is our Father of all mercies and comfort. God will teach us our paths if we call out to him in need. I pray you see the battle and our race for what they are. We find common ground in the places we fight alike—our pride, selfishness, anger, and revenge. Repentance and turning to Christ are the only things that can cure our universal sin problem.
Showing your children the life of Christ is a privilege, not a burden. Fathers, be good to your children and repent when you mess up. We have a good heavenly Father who is present with us and will perfect us in the coming age. He will also protect us on our journey home.
